


The Curious Incident of the Toaster

by FantasticallyTragical



Series: An Odyssey of Remembrance [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Barton is confused, Bucky and Pietro eat some waffles, Friendship, Other, Pepper is annoyed, Peter just wanted breakfast, Steve is not helpful, Thor Is Not Stupid, Toasters in mortal peril, Tony Is Not Helping, Violence Against Toasters, Wanda is pissed, nerds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-22
Updated: 2017-01-22
Packaged: 2018-09-19 02:49:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9414683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FantasticallyTragical/pseuds/FantasticallyTragical
Summary: Or, how Nick Fury came the the realization that the Avengers need a psychologist.In which toasters die and people are blamed.





	

Everyone has, at some point in their lives, been startled by the toaster. This is a fact that everyone accepts and vehemently denies at the same time.

Another important fact about toasters (and any other kitchen appliance, really) is that they do not last long in the Avengers Tower. The life expectancy of the average toaster in the Avengers Tower is two or three….. uses….. If it's lucky. If not, one…..

* * *

 

Pepper Potts squints suspiciously as Natasha Romanoff slams a large toaster down on the kitchen counter, smiling triumphantly.

“Is that _another_ toaster?”

The former assassin nods briskly as she plugs it in. “Yep.”

“Who was it this time?” Pepper inquires, stealthily adding a splash of vodka to her tea. (Today was going to be one of those days, she could feel it).

The Black Widow’s silence in response informed Pepper who the culprit was (Natasha). The CEO of Stark Industries adds more alcohol to her tea. Hoo boy.

Peter Parker comes scurrying into the kitchen, brown hair messy and an Iron Man backpack slung over his shoulder. His round face lights up when he spots the new toaster. “Oh, _good_ ,” he enthuses, holding up a toaster strudel, “these things are nasty uncooked.”

“You must be very, _very_ careful,” Natasha declares, taking a defensive stance in front of the appliance.

“Oh, is this a new one?” Peter asks, eyes wide. He’s hung out with the Avengers to know the importance of a new toaster. “Don't worry. I'll just toast my strudel and go. Mr Stark and I are gonna blow things up!”

Pepper frowns.

Natasha nods approvingly. “Nice.”

The two spiders exit the kitchen talking animatedly, Peter tossing his breakfast from hand to hand in an attempt to not burn himself. Pepper sighs as she heads to her car, praying for the toaster’s soul.

* * *

 

When Pepper returns home she stumbles upon a broken toaster and a lot of screaming. Thor is gesticulating wildly with Mjölnir and Tony is face-palming heavily.

“Look, man, that's just the rule. You break it you replace it,” the engineer sighs. “Blame Steve if you wanna blame somebody.”

Captain America (who had been calmly sketching at the kitchen table) looks up, outraged. “Well, if _somebody_ stopped taking _necessary kitchen appliances_ away for _'upgrading’_ we wouldn't have that rule in _the first place_.”

Tony looks a tad affronted at Cap’s acidic tone, before he begins to mouth off again.

“My poptart is _still_ gone!” Thor booms, refusing to be left out. “And I didn't destroy the toaster!”

“ **_You were using it last!!!!_ ** ”

Pepper rubs her forehead.

“Oh boy,” a calm voice sighs. She turns to see Doctor Banner pop out of the elevator, carrying a new toaster. “My bad.”

“How?”

The scientist shuffles his feet awkwardly. “I was making tea and Thor’s poptart scared me… the Big Guy smashed it…”

“WOULD YOU ALL _SHUT_ **_UP!!!_ ** ” Wanda Maximoff comes flying around the corner waving a handful of official documents, her face bright red with rage. Her scowl only darkens as she notices the smashed toaster. “ **_AGAIN!?_ ** ”

“Why is everyone-!” Wanda’s twin brother emerges from the pantry, holding a box of toaster waffles. “Aw, man. I should've seen this coming…”

“ **_I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW, GRANDFATHER TIME, THAT MY INVENTIONS ARE PERFECTLY BEAUTIFUL THINGS!!!!”_ **

**_“IN WHAT UNIVERSE WOULD IT BE ACCEPTABLE FOR A TOASTER TO MAKE A LOUD, JARRING SOUND!?”_ **

**_“I STILL HAVEN’T HAD BREAKFAST YOU FOOLS!!!”_ **

**_“I AM TRYING TO WORK!!! QUIET! DOWN!”_ **

“I was really looking forward to waffles.”

“I think I better leave,” Bruce mumbles, looking a little green around the edges. He hurries away.

“Hi, Bruce!” Comes from down the hall, evidently Barton has arrived. “You don't look to good.”

“Here, take this, bye!”

Clint comes around the corner, face perplexed, Bruce's toaster in his arms. His eyes widen at the sight of everyone screaming. He quickly fumbles in his pocket and pulls out his hearing aids.

“What in the world?”

He spots the smashed toaster and winces as he puts in his hearing aids.

“Not again.”

The Vision appears out of nowhere, sighing gustily and pouting as he watches Wanda screaming like a crazy person.

“I sensed danger.” Bucky Barnes peeks up over the sofa, brandishing a knife. “Oh. Another toaster broke. I didn't do it.” He grins evilly. “Maybe.”

The people closest to him stare in alarm.

“I'm kidding.”

Pietro pops up next to Clint, still carrying his toaster waffles. “I need this.” He declares, relieving the older man of the toaster. “I'm making waffles.”

“Ooh, waffles,” Bucky grins pulling a bottle of maple syrup out from under the couch. “Yum.”

“My syrup.” Small Wilson says mournfully, eyeing the bottle. “That's where it went.” Rhodey pats his shoulder consolingly.

**_“OF COURSE TOASTER MARK 2 WAS DESTROYED! IT SPIT FIRE YOU NINNY!!!”_ **

**_“FIRE IS AWESOME!!!”_ **

**_“NOT WHEN IT BURNS INNOCENT BYSTANDERS!!!”_ **

**_“I AGREE WITH STEVE ON THIS ONE, ALTHOUGH FIRE IS AWESOME.”_ **

**_“SHUT UP, THOR!”_ **

**_BANG!_ **

Everyone stills and turns apprehensive looks on Natasha, who lowers her gun. She eyes the broken toaster sadly. “Which one of you motherfuckers was it this time?”

Clint sighs, gesturing to Peter. “Natasha there are young ears present.”

“Shut up, Barton. Fury's come to visit.”

Everyone gasps dramatically. Pietro throws a blanket over Bucky, who is still technically a wanted man. Fury steps dramatically into the room and surveys the damage.

 “You motherfuckers need psychological help.”


End file.
